www.ballsome.com

Personal Ad Dictionary

This one's straight out of my inbox..... a diamond in the rough, you might say.

Women's Ads

40-ish - 49
Adventurer - Slept with all her friends
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated - Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Fat ballbuster
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline autistic
New-Age - All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary only, no BJs
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Poet - Depressed schizophrenic
Professional - Certified bitch
Redhead - Bad dye-job
Reubenesque - Grossly fat
Romantic - Looks better by candlelight
Social - Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous - Very fat
Weight proportion w/ height - Hugely Fat - as tall as she is wide
Wants Soulmate - Stalker
Widow - Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart - Old bat

Men's Ads

40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic - Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back
Educated - Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit - Banging his sister
Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking - Arrogant
Very good looking - Dumb as a board
Honest - Pathological liar
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle - Insecure mama's boy
Mature - Older than your father
Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit - Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet - Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive - Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive - Gay
Spiritual - Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable - Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful - Says "Excuse me" when he farts

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